what you do. -i don't care

"I ain't trippin. I ain't mad at ya. does it look like I gave a fuck? haha. NO. Not one bit."
yeah you the hoe! lmao. do i like you still? let's just keep it at being friends because my feelings changed and aren't so into you anymore. whorrree!

"November 06, 2009
Libra (9/23-10/22)
Has someone been putting you under pressure to be perfect lately? Ignore them. Shake loose of their apprising gaze and invite them to focus on someone else for a while -- like their own self. You add sunshine to the lives of most of the people you touch, so why worry about one person who is still stuck in their own personal fog? Let go of the few missteps you have been making -- after all, everyone else who matters already has. Reorganize your social circle and leave unhealthy people outside of it."

"“What you see is only half of what I am. I have a hundred different faces, a million different personalities. Only a part of me is what I show you. I display a fraction of my true self. Everything is just a facade. It’s not the truth of me. You don’t know me" but I want you to. So help me to let you get to know the person that I am, who I want to become.

I'll Be Fine

"It's like you can love someone so much, but you just have let it go. If you can tell they're acting like it never meant nothing. Just keep your head up because there's always going be someone out there for you who will show you how much you're worth."

January 4, 1990 - October 19, 2007

i don't like this time of year.. i wonder what Monday will feel like for me? because Monday will be two years after you passed away and left. i know you're in a better place tho and no longer suffering from the pain. i only wish more memories could have been made, but that's what death is. its nice to look back at our positive experiences and all the fun we had yet it's sad that you're no longer here especially at a young age. I'm glad that you lived each day to the fullest and had me around. you've made an impact on our lives that's for sure. you gave us your love, trust, and friendship. i am very thankful. but i get upset because only 17 years of life were lived on this earth. when i found out you were diagnosed with cancer, i just couldn't believe nor want to accept it. all those months of chemotherapy must have been hell and i wish none of it ever happened in the first place. you are my hero. all the pain and all that suffering even when you were sick to your stomach, you never gave up. 15 months of suffering and heartbreak and you never once gave up. you are truly my hero, my angel. i love you Kalvin Saechao.

"I love what you are, and what you do and how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength that carries you through. I’ve seen the best of you. I’ve seen the worst of you. 
And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. And I love you."

When you know you've fallen for someone so hard and think that the feelings are mutual.... reality slaps you in the face and leaves a big ass mark on your face... not just your face but a big ass scar on your heart.. so when you know something's to good to be true then it really must be to good to be true.. :( hard to trust people when you let your judgment get in the way of all your feelings.. need to let your mind clear so you can function a whole lot better..

I'm just drunk! Haha it feels so chill laying down in the drive way dunk as fuck staring at the sky. The moon looks so nice! Ahhh! I'm just going to chill here on the ground! Hahaha I don't give a fuck nigga!!!! Thug life! Puwahahaha! :P FML! Tho I have to be up at 7 and get back on the grind.
-_-

discontent

the way i feel right about now.. yep, discontent. great things have happened quite recently but yet i still don't feel happy. i wonder what the heck it is that is going to change this mood? i feel so incomplete. i think that's what i was getting to. i feel as if someone just tore a huge chunk out of me and the hole is only getting bigger. wtf is going on with my emotions? i can't even figure it out myself. lame! -_- but here's a quote i read earlier and this is keeping me sane.

"I’ve learned this past year. I’ve changed, I’ve grown. Maybe things do happen for a reason, maybe they don’t. but no matter what, they still happen. That’s what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, then it happens. There’s nothing I can do to change that. I’ve learned to go with my gut, and that it’s okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter, won’t care. I’ve learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I’ve learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I’ve learned that today is all we have.”

-just going off that makes me feel some what better. trying to stay positive and make shit happen!

decisions..

omfg.. something we do every day and every second of our lives. making decisions is just part of life and there's no hiding from that. strange sometimes how the outcome of our mental processes turn out. and when it's up to you to make a big decision it's like fuck my life all over again. every little thing we do has a consequence that's just being human for you. i hate when i have to make difficult decisions. like really difficult ones of course! shit is life changing and sometimes we don't know what the outcome might be, and that's what i hate. when i just don't know. -_-' probably wondering like why the fuck is he talking about this for? obviously i have to make a choice and i don't fucking know what to do. I'm caught up and don't know what to do.. errrrr! whether it'd be one thing or another.. fuuuuck man. i just wish it wasn't so difficult. anyways. time is running out and i must force myself to decide with what path is the right one.. wish me luck.

--and oh yeah. braces are going to be a fucking bitch i swear!

G-Shock

so my birthday is over. aww! i wish it were forever! but then it wouldnt be so speical right? haha. anyways, overall it was chill and i am going to bed happy. started off with a rough wake up but after i got my present i was all cheers. =D i got a new watch! i've been needing one for the longest. my old watch died and may it rest in peace. lol. i spent the day at the bro sam's house then got picked up by my buddy annie! she's the best by far. she makes me think again that "Every Thing Happens For A Reason" honestly! i don't know where or what i would be doing if i had not met her.. but yeah, she picked me up and she treated me to some starbucks! haha. god how we live off that stuff, i swear!! drove all around san diego and just hung out. it was chill. the night ended on a wierd note but as soon as i got to the bro's house and then home. i was on my way to feeling better. i am excited again and looking forward to the days ahead. i may be going through rough times but i do have my family and friends with me. to me that's all that i really care about. its them. i honestly wasn't excited at all for a few days before my birthday but when the clock stuck 12:00am i was just like, "OMFG! wow! another year older. what the fuck! is this forreal?" and started to laugh and smile.. haha i'm just going to look at it from a view as to live it up because its the last teenage year of my life! can you say wow!!! lol. geee.. i definitely want to remember this day/night! it was awsome and can't wait to fucken turn 21 because that's going to be celebrated in vegas!! fuck yeah boyy! =D let's hope i maintain my natural high of life expect great things will happen in this short future. happy! happy! happy! and positive is what we all need to be. i know it hard to be happy when there's a lot of shit knocking you down and a lot of shit you can't do to make it better. but if we all made 'things' better all the time and if it were that easy then life just wouldn't be life. sometimes you got to go through the pain to experience the joy. as cliche as that is, seems to be true! oh wow im craving pops cereal. ranndom! but yep. just gotta let you know that i too go through pain and rough times but when i am happy i spread the love.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! thank you all for the birthday wishes! it means a lot! thank you annie, matt, brandon, alinna, nina, heather, sam, and everyone!

I just don't know anymore... I'm excited and yet sad. I really hope things work out for me and this is just a moment of life that's temporary. Tomorrow is my birthday and I can care less about it. I want to do what I want but it seem impossible with what I have going on right now. Life is giving me a big curve ball right now... Let's see if things change in a couple of hours.

So many feelings and emotions running through me. Happy, sad, neutral. I honestly don't know where to go from here in life.. Obviously move forward but that's easier said than done. What the fuck man! I feel like my life is going to waste at the moment and isn't being lived up to my fullest... At moments like this it makes me scream out FML! Hopefully I figure something out soon. Currently at the point where I want to shoot myself.

INTEREST. the topic of this blog entry.
what is it that makes another person interested? you just want to find out every little thing about them. and just right when you seem to get bored with that person, interest just kicks in all over again and you crave the need to know more. a person can be boring as hell but yet why do we seem to hold interest? is it love and can it be that powerful? we just want to find out every little detail down to each secret. but it seems that when all the secrets are out, things change. I'm not a stalker get it straight. but curiosity got me hooked, its like a drug. and you know the old saying curiosity killed the cat. maybe not finding out everything about the other person is a good thing. but i wont let an old cliche saying get to me. times have changed but have the people? i hope so. and when i do find out somethings that i shouldn't, lets hope there aren't dramatic changes. i like where we are but i only want to get closer. is that to much to ask? do i come off to strong? i cant help but be me, and if that's something i need to work on, only time will help and tell. where do go from here?

my promise..

no matter what happens. no matter if our feelings change. no matter if we hurt each others feelings. no matter the situation's change. i promise to always be your friend. things happen for a reason so respect the past. but never doubt the future for what it beholds. expect happy moments, everyone feels down, just remember no matter what happens i will always be your friend through your ups and downs. and in this life we will live on, so when you're feeling down, call me up so i can turn your frown upside down. we both may have been right or we both may have been wrong. respect is what we need to have for each other and befriend each other all life long. i do not hate, i only love. so with my love lets live our lives together on.

-Arnann Phangdy

September 15, 2009

i like what it said. haha.

Libra (9/23-10/22)
Every time you get rid of an old idea, assumption or unwanted item, you make room for a new influx of energy and growth. Today, you could use a big dose of freshness, so see what you can do to empty a few closets (emotional and bedroom alike). Whether you toss out a relationship, a grudge or an old sweater, you'll immediately feel a sense of freedom and relief. You've been released from hanging on to what you thought you needed. The truth is you already have everything you need.

Life..
its just a word. but its what we do. we live, grow, learn, take chances, make mistakes, make friends, cry, laugh, love, family, share stories.. There is so much to do and we have a limited time of life to do so. everything we do, what we say, how we act, all impacts Life. there are things we all want to do but yet again we all have obstacles and things that stop us from taking actions and making choices. you always have a choice in life. and your consequences are based on the choices you make. i still am learning to accept, whether it be words, actions, choices, friends, or what ever. Life isn't easy. but again, it cant be so difficult. at some point in our lives we ask ourselves why? we don't always have an answer but that's part of life you got to try and find out. be thankful for each day and think of how far you've gone. at times we feel on top of the world and can just conquer all, then some days we feel so low, lower than the deepest parts of the ocean. but its all normal. Normal, another word which we all can seem to relate to but that's about it. you just relate to the word. no one is normal and weird is what we all seem to be. and if you're not weird you're not normal. We all have insecurities and we all know our insecurities. and if you don't have any insecurities, then you're lying to yourself. its what all humans have and we all try to fix. Life is strange and awkward but that's where the beauty comes from. From being diverse.

not sure where to go from here. i was just thinking and it sucks how i want to do something but i don't have the necessity for it. and just trying to find a way makes life more like well, Life.

i don't want to leave this world unrecognized and just melt into the background. so each day live it up. go the extra mile and make it all worth while. learn to trust yourself and others. that's where i have a problem. trust is difficult but it shows no matter if you do trust in the person or not. trust cannot be hidden. And love, love yourself as well as others.

I'm at Jealyn's 4th birthday party & I just feel awkward. I was hesitant on attending b/c I am helluh broke to get her a gift but I told Mina & she was like naw its cool & she was like get some food to eat. Haha.. They're so nice and understanding tho. That's why I like em. They're helluh chill and fun to be around. But right now I just feel awkward.. Sitting here on my phone blogging. Hah. Ugh.. I hope I don't have to work tonight. Stupid call in shifts are annoying.. a92 is starting to get on my nerves! I'm not even scheduled to work this upcoming work.. But I guess since its the month of my birthday I just wanna chill anyways. I have also been trying to find an extra job & its fucken annoying b/c no one wants to hire these days. Fuck them! Hope this weekendn I mean this whole month goes by chill & smoothly. I don't know what else.. I'm just gonna go back to chilln' and call work to see if they need me.

Fall out of Summer

Today was hot! Haha. But I had fun, went swimming for a good three hours and I got a little darker that's for sure. But its all good being pale is so weird and creepy. Why would I want to be yellow? Haha. I have a nice tan with a glow, some spots are still red almost got burnt out there. Lol! I wish I had 500 days of summer and wish summer wasn't over so soon. But maybe summer might be a little longer for me since I don't have school this fall. Also the weather is scorching hot, making summer feel like its forever. I can't believe its already going to be September. This year has really gone by faster than I expected, day after day week after week month after month. Its almost my birthday! Yay! I get into Disneyland for free! Holla! Hahaha. Hopefully I get this job and I get to leave abercrombie. They've put me through too much these three years I've worked for them. Urbanoutfitters, I think is the perfect fit for me. I just love the styles and apparel. Crossing my fingers for me getting this job. And its a new store in San Diego! Excited! I wish they would call me real soon! Anyways.. Just remember to take each day by day and so on.. Summer may be over for you guys but not for me! I still have activities that need to happen and will!

Its soo hot this week in San Diego! Oh em gee! So my birthday is next month yay! Good news! I get into Disneyland for free! So yeah if you're going 9/26/2009 get at me! Haha. Idk.. Right now I just been tired lately and cranky because of the heat. Sleep, work, hanging out, my usual activities keep me busy but not busy enough. I'm still waiting for 'the day' -what is it? I don't know, lol. But I have a feeling that 'the day' will be coming up very soon for me. Let's hope so. And I hope its fun, exciting and memorable. Ugh.. Its still hot right now and I'm just going to shower.. Laters.

dreams.. dreams are often forgotten. but, do you believe we dream in our sleep for a reason? do our dreams have a purpose or message and do dreams make you live in a certain way after you had the dream? i had a dream last night i actually remembered. anyway.. i'm just thinking a lot about it.. trying to interpret my dream. did it mean i am happy with how life is now and the actions that take place day to day? or was i sad, looking out into the rest of the world and suffering because i can't join their fun? i have no idea. this dream will be on my mind for days. but in my dream i felt like i was stuck. --stuck in a place to me that is boring, typical, and bland. a feeling of wanting to join their fun but not being able to. its frustrating.

Today feels weird...

TGIF?

so its friday, the day i took maria to the airport.. idk i was sad but didnt cry. i thought i was going to end up in tears but i was being strong. lol. maria started to cry and we were like why the hell are you crying? you're the one that's leaving us! hahaha. anyways she just called me and said her flight was on time and actually landed 15 minutes earlier. im glad she made it in one piece. but anyways here's how my day started off. i went to Maria's house and just made sure she had everything and was ready. i swear what would she do with out me? nothing! LOL!.. we headed to the airport and got there at 10. then she was off into her plane. i headed home and just layed down and i guess took a nap. haha. but i was dreaming and it was a good dream. maria was in my dream and she was happy, so maybe that means something. who knows.. but that was the best fucking nap i ever took. no work on this friday night, yay! time to partay! haha. catch ya later blog!

august ups & downs.

gosh its already august and next thing you know my birthday in September! yay! but today is Sam's birthday, best wishes bro! but yeah, I'm excited and dont really know why. haha, maybe because the end of this week is payday! holla! I'm just researching more info on this company and the lifestyle trend they set. its one of my favorite companies and i shop there a lot. but it wouldn't hurt to know more about them, since i have an interview with them this month. wish me luck! not that i need it. haha only kidding. i have worked in retail for three years now! i should just settle for being a manager. lol. sike! only if the pay is good and the effort is worth it. but yet again, its a learning experience. life is a learning experience. that said i was browsing the web and i guess they ask questions such as "what current cd albums do you have" and the standard questions I'm sure. haha. oh man i cant wait until the interview and to receive their call. i also hear that their employee discount is great. only another reason to work for a place of the things you like.
on the other hand I'm still sad! my best friend is leaving me Friday! that's a few days from now and i still havent got to see her. i need to hang out with her before she leaves... really sad. i spoke with her on the phone and i just started to cry! she's truly my BFF! and she knows it. we have gone through a lot and have a lot of trust. and trust is a big issue i have and letting people get to know me. its just hard to see someone you care for a lot leave. although she says she will return to visit in December, I'm used to seeing her often. i know when i take her to that airport Friday morning I'm going to be crying.
omg i need to sleep! i hate being such an insomniac. got a feeling that today will be productive and positive.. -peace!

another night..

Friday night was awesome! Alina and Nina both went with me to Los Angeles and met up with the friends. Rage was fun and chill. and everyone was drunk! haha. party animals. i finally got to see john or JP again after a whole year. it was nice to see a friend from the bay. and met the Bonitas, like Chico and Luis. i hope they send me those pictures, haha. after the club we headed to Maht's place and chilled/mellowed out. while some others just kept it going. haha. i had fun! we didn't get home until 5:30 in the morning. man was i motivated. like seeing Maht's condo and how he has it going on, living it up as i would say. i wish i was ball'n. haha naw but one day soon hopefully. just gave me more motivation and knowing what 22 could be like. lol. my own place, brand new car, great friends that love you and aren't using you. that's almost like self actualization to me. haha. one day! one day! and life would be care free and definitely have financial freedom. dam this world and how its based on credit. haha. i guess its only fair but dam they need to cut some slack and give second chances with credit. anyways. just wanted to say i had a bomb ass Friday and seeing that a friend is doing good just gives you hope and motivation and that one day you will be just as happy. or i mean just as ball'n outta control. not that im not happy. haha. kk. ending on a good note! peace!

we all get sad..

I'm feeling a little down. why you ask? because my bestie, my bff, my buddy is going to the eastcoast! and it just makes me sad.. I wish I could go to VA with her. but she says I can visit.. which means I have to save up for a plane ticket and spending money. feeling blue and each time I think about it I get more sad and just wish it doesnt have to be like this.. we been through soo much! and how we became best friends is a whole story on its own. god I love her to death! and shes going to leave!! ='( i don't know.. errrr. =/
but for sure I'm going to spend as much time with her before she leaves. I know I'm going to end up crying because I'm just that sensitive.. I wish her the best of luck! and much more. I hope she's happy and will love it there. Love you best friend!

six flags

Woo!! So yesterday I was at Los Angele's Magic Mountain Six Flags. It was helluh hot but it was fun! Haha. Traffic was a bitch as usuall.. Tickets were only $26.99 and shit was worth it. I couldn't believe it was Dinah's first time there. Lol. Helluh fun tho. X2 is the shit. I was looking forward to it all day, hadn't rode it since last year. Let me tell you shit is scary but fun!! Its like your going to plummet to the ground. Batman was too much, gave me a headache and the g-force on that ride was too much. What eves just wanted to say finally went again after a whole year. Hopefully I can do more thing this summer before its over.

hot summer day.

ahh. today was another hot day! or technically yesterday since its now 12:04am making it Monday and I'm talking about Sunday's weather. wow, San Diego doesn't lie when its summer. hot ass scorching heat and being parched, just screaming for an ice cold beverage, and wanting a/c badly. anyway, spent the day at the beach and we had a hard time finding a beach because all the beaches were at full capacity and parking was difficult to find. so we ended up driving around looking for a beach to go to, total time was around 40 minutes. ughh, yeah and it felt good once we found a spot since the beach basically the coast and it was nice out! cool breeze was awesome! anyway, it was a very interesting weekend. punk ass Randy's birthday was what it was all about. haha. yeah. I'm getting tired eyes! got work today. super excited because magic mountain Tuesday! its been a whole year! lol. alright blog. peace!

july 4th

happy July 4th? haha. time to bring out the drinks, food, and good times. can't believe the year is just passing is by.. so I'm working on this national holiday, at least its only 4 hours and getting paid for 6! yay! don't think we are going to the beach nor to see the fireworks. gasoline just ain't the same. making every one use their time and money wisely. its okay tho, they always broadcast fireworks on the t.v. and with HD channels its almost close to the real thing. lol..
so bored at home right now, just chilln' yeah i know its Friday night oh well. when you're tire-you're tired!
also, magic mountain in a week or two. how fun!! my bahdee maria is in SF right now. soo mad at her. haha shes there without me! lame! but i plan to go soon also after magic mountain. ughh.. money is sure to be spent!! x)
well idk what else for now.. get at this later.
lates! -a.p.

worrd!

so the king of pop dies at the age of 50.. let his music live on.. back to my life. haha. uhh, so here are a few things planned for summer:
-Disneyland! omg!! haha semi-happiest place on earth
-Magic Mountain
-SF/bay area!
-Universal Studios?
-of course u can find me in L.A. haha.
--and more shit!
another week gone by and another week ahead..
let the good times roll my nigg.

good day?

so i just had breakfast with the best friend and i am home now. going to get ready for the day.. nothing planned.. right now there is a aspirin mask on my face. going to wash it off in the shower. haha. so is summer going to be as good as last year? lets hope so and maybe even better! got a trip to the bay planned and other stuff.. i cant wait! and Kathleen's graduation was Monday. it went good! she's lucky to have all of us in the family. we love her and wish her the best! and that day was a stress in the beginning but it went well! we got her at least $130 worth of flowers and leis. shows how much love she has! haha. well imma start my day! laters!

when i wake

so today i have no plans but to clean the car and make it look clean! and hang out ofcourse with friends. idk.. i just cant wait for the fun summer activities.. hollah!

rolln'

so guess what world. im back working at fashion valley. what eves tho, its the same old job and i need dough! to splurrge! hah... get at me on twitter yo!
https://twitter.com/arrdenn

found in the San Diego Reader thought it was interesting

On July15th, 1991, we moved into this house. After the last of the boxes had been delivered, we went to sleep with the windows open to let some air in on what had been one of the hottest summers. At about midnight, we were woken up by the sound of a chainsaw coming from a few doors down. It turned out a crazed man sawed off the hand of a man he had caught his wife having an affair with (at least that’s the story the cops gave us).
That was the first memory I had as an 11-year-old child and a new resident of City Heights or what I call “Shitty Heights.”
Back in the early ’90s there still was a significant amount of “white” people living here. Around the mid-’90s, they left. What remained were the old ladies who had lived in the area for decades and us, who naively believed this neighborhood would improve in the next few years. But who were we kidding?
Ourselves.
As the old ladies died one after the other, their houses were inherited by banks who rented the properties to the most despicable swine imaginable: drug dealers, molesters, abusers, prostitutes, cockfighting rooster- and pit-bull breeders, and overexcessive beer-drinking college students, just to give you an idea. For several years, the few home owners on my block had to hold meetings along with police officers to try to keep peace and order around here. It was beyond tedious and the retaliation was horrendous. Our property and cars were constantly vandalized by graffiti, pissed on, and littered on. We couldn’t even own or leave pets outside for a day, for fear of poisoning or theft; two of our neighbors had had their Pomeranians stolen within the same month, while another neighbor found that her Labrador had ingested poisoned food that must have been thrown into her yard by a passerby.
The day someone broke into our house and stole our belongings, including our laundry detergent, we bought a security system for the house, and ultimately, ended up putting bars on all windows for extra security. To me, window bars are the trademark of the “ghetto.” I refused to accept it then, but had to acknowledge that our neighborhood had begun to turn more and more unpleasant by the year. I may have only been a young kid, but felt as though I was living in a prison; a perilous prison where even stepping out into the sidewalk was a risk.
When I was in middle school, as I was walking to the bus stop, I was assaulted by three Asian wannabe gang members around my age. They wanted money. All I had was bus fare. They kicked, scratched, and punched me over the fucking bus fare! That is the day I remember as the time I got beat up for a measly dollar and some cents. I was too ashamed to tell anyone; I never told my parents or the police, because in this environment, if you hadn’t been stabbed or shot, then any other crime was thought to be meaningless. After that day, I refused to ride a bus, refused to go drop a letter in the mailbox or return library books to the branch that was a few blocks away, and more devastatingly, refused to leave my house other than to go to school. I only left home when I knew someone would give me a ride to and from school. Having no ride meant I was going to be absent. I was absent a lot.
My parents worked so much in their lousy jobs and were hardly ever around to notice the daytime plague of the community. Being the eldest, I had to take care of my younger brother in the afternoons before they got home. My brother and I had bikes that we rarely rode. Only when there were lots of other kids playing in the streets did we feel it was safe to go outside. However, the phrase “there is safety in numbers” does not apply when you live in hell. My brother’s bike was stolen right out of his hands and mine was later stolen out of our gated back yard. As the crimes escalated, so did my hatred of this community. I pleaded for us to move again, anywhere! But my father had bought the house and we couldn’t afford to move. Besides, it would be hard to sell because nobody wanted to reside in hell!
* * *
I managed to survive high school while still living here, then went off to college, got my degrees and became a teacher. A couple years ago, just as I was moving forward, yearning to get a home of my own on a street that ends in Place, Lane, or Court, I had to move back. My father was diagnosed with cancer and needed someone to support him, so I returned to help.
* * *
I left once, I’m back again, and things haven’t changed. The occasional gunshot, car chase, siren, and helicopter racket still remind me of where I am. I look at my house and at those houses around it. It’s quite a disappointing sight; downright depressing. It leads me to believe that all the effort my father invested and ruined his health for was all a waste. Why are there so few people who care about this community? When did it become acceptable to have ten people sharing a two-bedroom house, or worse, a one-bedroom apartment? But my favorite question (as honestly portrayed in the film Crash): Who told all those people it was all right to park their cars on the lawn? Many say it’s the difference between owners and renters, or the educated vs. the uneducated.
You have no idea how it feels to live this long in a place where the streets have no name, but rather numbers: negative numbers. When you mention any street between 40th and 54th, you’ll get a reaction. Just ask anyone in San Diego and they’ll agree. City Heights doesn’t live up to its name. It’s a pity. It’s dangerous. It’s my neighborhood, but it’s NOT me.

shit balls..

so it was spring break during the second week of April and i still haven't gone back to school. I'm fucking over it! i will go and take my finals and take a long break from school. like a helluh long break! hahaha. but yeah i been busy doing nothing matter'a fact. like just chill'n and fucking spending money on ridiculous shit. and i don't even work.. ugh fuck someone needs a j-0-b. anyway! I'm not sure what I'm going to do with life.

Moody

Fuck I hate it when times get hard to live! and thats starting to happen!! It was all good and mellow until something happened.. ERRR!! How I feel right now is like "FUCK MY LIFE" hate it right now. So much shit is happening and school is fucken lame. I don't know what to even say right now, I can only think of the bad which mean something is really wrong because I am a very optimistic person.. I'm on a roller coaster downhill and need to find solutions to help me get back up.. Everything happens for a reason is what I'm told.. My mom says, "We came to America with nothing, no money, some clothes, and family. And look how far we got." Thanks mom for trying to make me feel less like an asshole. I guess, well fuck that shit thats happening now and I hope things turn around.

Seattle

so I'm thinking of moving to a new city. after visiting Seattle, WA & seeing my family just made me miss them after I left back home. just a new and different setting to be in. I'm deciding and I have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. San Diego is just drama sometimes and not necessary.. so yeah wait for this semester of school to be over and I have a decision to make.

Mesa College

So its the second week of school and its already a bitch! I got dropped from 2 classes and now only have 3. I hate crashing because its retarded and when you get to the class its never a guarantee and you just waited a few hours for nothing. Its so frustrating.. ERRR! So the only classes I have now are Biology 107, Math Online, and Health & Life Style 101.. Not planning on crashing but I regret not going to class on that one day where it counted.. shit! do I ever learn?... Gotta set my mind right and make school a top priority. In addition to school drama, I gotta find another job because my current job conflicts with my school schedule. Its just too much with school, but what the heck -where else am I going to make $10.15 an hour and its a helluh chill ass job.. Fuck the economy, Obama better do something soon to make it better. I so voted for McCain. Anyways.. Got a lab in an hour, its gonna be killer. 3 hours of book work.. Shit kill me now! Sike no, don't kill me. Haha. Okay, I'm out! Who ever wants to study, get at me so we can find a study spot.

Errrr!

It is helluh late or helluh early what ever you want to call it. Got home from work around 4a.m. and going to go to sleep soon. Its so weird, when I'm at work I get tired then once I'm home I am wide awake. Ugh... lame. But yeah I don't know how much I'm going to go on like this now that school has started. School is Monday through Thursday and I already am feeling sluggish in class. Bio seems fun yet long and English is well.. English, then Health and Nutrition class seems like an easy class. I hope this time school is better than last year. Slowly drifting away falling asleep. Alrighty then.

Think Different

-Is the glass half full or half empty?
It's based on your perspective quite simply
We're the same and we're not know what I'm saying listen
I aint better than you I just think different

Spring 2009

School is starting soon! I'm sorta excited haha yet again not really because I know its gonna be all studying and shit. Errr! Anticipated.. I didn't do so well for Fall 2008, so this time around I'm not gonna mess around and get my studies down and give 110%. Currently enrolled in 5 classes - 14 units. Biology, Nutrition, Health & Life Style, English, and Math. Class Monday through Thursday. And the cost of books are damn expensive! FUCK! hahaha. Financial aid gotta help me out. Well those of you who go to school with me, I will see you around campus.

Why?

Why is it what you want, you cant have. Whether it’s because he just got out of a relationship and doesn’t want to get right back into one, or because he lives 2400 miles away from you, or because he doesn’t even know that you exist, or because he is already in a relationship! It seems like it’s the story of my life. I also know that I should just wait it out because you never know what will come along, but still.

Anyways.. How is everyone doing? I am doing well here. Just chilln sorta for now. School is starting soon and a dam floor set is too! Retail can be a bitch.

Here Goes 2009

This is from a section of my diary.

It is 5:47am the first day of the new year. I'm sensing this year is going to be a good year.

For new years eve I worked and got off around 7:45pm. While I was working I made plans to go to a party with Kathleen and Fernan because I know they party. Lol. But yeah it was at a house downtown I would say, it was off 28th street of the 94 west. I guess I had fun.. I saw friends and it was nice to be out. There was some weird people at the party, lets just say a very diverse crowd. But we all had a purpose that night; to have fun, drink, dance, and be out partying it up. It was off to a nice start and I got bored and tired fast. I also saw Drea, omg I missed her and I was really happy to see her, for real! I found out she smokes now, well when she's "tipsy" hahaha. And met her 2 friends, they were nice. The party was killed a little bit before 2am. Then went to Sam's house and chilled. I really didn't plan on staying just have a smoke and leave but I saw Sam and Mickie and we were chatting then I found out they were rollin. Omg, I might be addicted to ecstasy. Not good. So time goes by and the three of us decide to drop. And I kinda miss it, the good and nice feeling. All of life just doesn't worry me and I'm in the "chill" mode. Some way to spend a new year right? I'm supposed to have a new out look on being a better person, PERIOD. Well it is a new year and I want to leave all the issues in the '08 and move on. We are all only getting older and learning every day.

I don't know.. (sigh). I'm getting over working for hollister and want a new job. Because I'm starting school on the 26th. Not far away at all. And I'm going to be starting class from the morning through the day. And working late night shifts do not collabo so well. Errrr. Damn this life, its a blessing yet it feels like a curse. School is going to be tough I already know. I failed the first term of school because I gave up -Basically. I was proud to be in school but the math and english was a lot of work. I was motivated but I guess not motivated enough. I hope and I am going to try this time around. Gosh I need to find a new job that fits my schedule. I want to leave hollister but they pay is awesome and I do not want to go back to minimum wage. Or maybe I just need to be strict on my budget and change my ways of living -that's for sure. I'm going to look and search around because school should always be a top priority. Just remember its a new year and time to change for the better. Well I'm running out of thoughts and its so cold.

Here goes 2009.

Kalistek

Today wasn't the best, just another reminder of life and it's downside. I try to never live the same day twice and just be young, live it to the fullest each day because not everyday of your life is guaranteed. Today is my cousin's 19th birthday and its sad because he left us to be in a better place. Cancer suckks, and it took away a loved ones life. I miss him a lot! And I always think of him. It eats me up inside because I didn't get to say "see ya later." But I guess no one really does -and that's one thing about death, it eats us up inside. He was only 17 when he passed. So young! Really tho. Life is so unfair. Well I'm wishing you a Happy Birthday cousin and I pray for us. I know you're up there watching over me and the fam. The chain was broken and one day the chain will be connected again. Forever in my heart and always loved.